T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
