I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
