Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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