Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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