i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
