Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Randomize
