i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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