I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
