dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
