VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
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