The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I intend to get homeless drunk
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
my liver is dry heaving
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
