Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Randomize
