Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
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when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
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The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
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