you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
