Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
