woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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