Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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