there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
