Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
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She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
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I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Pants are for mortals
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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