Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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