Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
