I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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