I wish I only lived at night.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I think I have vodka in my lungs
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
The chlamydia really affected his face.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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