I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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