Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
