you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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