You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
