We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
