i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
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While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
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So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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