marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
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