I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
