clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
