I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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