So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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