I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
