Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
sarcasm needs its own font
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
These tits shall not be calmed
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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