My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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