Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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