My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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