i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
