Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Acid is not a monday night drug
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
