i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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