Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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