im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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