Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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