I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
