what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
