I like my sex mixed with concussions.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
