Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
