You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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