Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
