So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
