I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
