Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
