my soul wont recognize me after tonight
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Randomize