forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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