I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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