You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
even my farts smell like vagina
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
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