From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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