I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
