Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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