I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Pińatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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