so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
