my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Randomize
